May 10, 2020

Another Mother's Day...2020

I didn't think I would see another Mother's Day.

Last year this time I was at the beginning of facing breast cancer.

Just sitting here today grateful.  Grateful that...

  1.  I am still alive
  2.  I am healthy
  3.  I am back at work
  4. I  am a mother
  5. I am a grandmother
  6. I am a sister
  7. I am an aunt
  8. I am a friend
  9. I have intelligence
  10. I have had many life experiences
  11. I know how to face adversity
  12. I am not afraid of death
  13. I got the chance to study the bible and hidden books taken out of the bible
  14. I am at peace
  15. I know how to breathe
  16. I know how to meditate
  17. I know what's important
  18. Being on lock-down feels like a hard reset
  19. All of my previous projects are now dovetailing towards becoming reality
  20. I like being alone and appreciate solace

Just grateful.  It's been eight years, two states moving home, new job, starting a business, and a cancer scare...since I wrote this post.  Grateful. 


April 25, 2020

One - on - One With My Son

I have been asking my son to experience the Black Folder Project and give me feedback for some time now.  With the quarantine because of the Corona Virus we were able to make that happen last Sunday.

The day before he had been walking around looking depressed (and he's NEVER depressed).  He's watched me go through countless depressions over the years, but I've never seen him depressed.  He explained it to me what was going on...and then agreed to "talk about his death".

I had to really pray about this because the purpose of the Project is to show  people the value of their lives, reflect on that and start anew since they are still alive.  I mean I really prayed hard that going through the exercises in the booklet would be helpful to help and help him get out of his depression.

So, Sunday morning came and I was cleaning and didn't even bother him about when (time) he wanted to go over the workshop material.  I had gone to the shop the day before and gotten all the materials I would need. The below board, a workbook (I call a lifebook), calculator, mirror and a blackfolder project pen.  He came out of his room, still looking depressed, and said he wanted to go ahead and do the project now.  So, I gathered my materials and put them in the living room.

Once I started I realized that I was not in "trainer" mode.  Detached, working, going through the content/material.  I was in "mother" mode.  My son was hurting and I needed to help him. That changed EVERYTHING about my delivery of the material.

I realized as I was going through the material that I had started my black folder for him and that rang true through the review of the life book.

As I was telling the reason I started the project and I got to the part about back in July 2012 when I was going to have my first workshop while I was living in Charlotte and the reason it didn't happen was because my mother (his grandmother) died, I completely broke down in tears.

I just cried. 

February 16, 2020

Retooling The Project

Things are starting to come together. 

Back in 2001 when I started my own black folder it was out of necessity because it was after 9-11 and and I was flying a lot for work back then. 

In 2012 when I thought of The Black Folder Project as something for others to experience it was before it's time. 

When I got breast cancer in 2019 and daily could have died, it was like a fire was lit.  I just kept thinking...are people kidding themselves?  Tomorrow is not promised, face it, enjoy each day but get your affairs in order. 

Today I picked-up the book A Beginner's Guide to the End and realize it's an idea whose time has come. Folks are finally ready to be practical about death and stop pretending it's not going to happen. 

Moving forward with turning the shop into a place for those who are ready to clean up their affairs and not leave their family a mess when they leave. Moving forward...

January 29, 2020

January 2020 - Radiation

Radiology Marking Session

Meet with Dr. Amin again and he again was amazing. Walked in and was happy that I had had a complete response to chemo and no positive lymph nodes.  He was as happy as if a family member had gotten that result.  It was genuine and interesting because that happens to be Riverside's logo: "To care for others as we would care for those we love."  He was a living example of that.

He told me that because of my results from chemo and surgery that I would only have to have treatment for 4 weeks and not 6 only 21 days.  I CAN DO THIS!

His nurse was EXCELLENT. Friendly, happy, smiling just so pleasant that it reversed my "can't find parking for 10 minutes" horrible experience.

January 7, 2020

December 2019 Post Op Surgery Appt

Post Op Appointment

I had an appointment with the surgeon as a post follow up to surgery. When Dr. Times walked in the room he said: "I understand that you already have the good news."  I told him that I had because the oncologist had told me that all the cancer was gone prior to surgery and that only scar tissue remained. The surgeon also confirmed that no lymph nodes were involved.

This was all great news. The best!

I thanked him and told him he was awesome.  He asked me to let the oncologist know the he thought she was awesome because her regiment of drugs had successfully killed the cancer. I told him that I will and I will! I'm so grateful to both of grateful!

He examined me and we talked about the scar and soreness that I still felt in my arm and chest. He said it will eventually go away. I asked him about the documentation that I needed to return to work and they provided it.