January 4, 2020

"Don't Even Call It Cancer Ma"

On This Day July  26, 2019 

That's what my son said to me.

I was talking about going through the process of having cancer, the cancer treatment and losing my hair. He said: "But you're beating it Ma, don't even call it cancer, call it something else."  I thought about it for a minute and thought "ancer" not "cancer".

Honestly if I get my head right it could be the "answer" to a renewed life.  

A bump in the road that requires downtime and self reflection. 

After being off work for two weeks I know:
  1. I'm use to being busy everyday and all day
  2. I don't like down time 
  3. I have to keep busy
  4. Lying in bed too long gives me a headache
  5. I'm still waking up at 5 a.m. so it's not a shocker when I go back to work
  6. Retirement at 59 1/2 seems stupid to me now
  7. You have to have a game plan to be productive for yourself
  8. You could stay on line half the day if you're not careful
  9. There is so much to do around the house
  10. I still hate television, even Net Flicks
  11. Shopping seems senseless and a waste of time and money
  12. Time is precious
  13. People matter
  14. Life without people is lonely
  15. 2:30 p.m. is like a magical hour because that's when my son comes home and we talk
  16. My son loves me
  17. Not everybody will be there for you when you need them
  18. Life goes on 
  19. A house is not a home
  20. Junk stifles you
  21. Work is a distraction
  22. I'm happy for a break in the routine
  23. Health is the first wealth
  24. The Old Testament Bible is brutal but interesting
  25. I have more clothes than I ever would wear
  26. The amount of stuff I have is ridiculous
  27. Meditation has paid off for me
  28. I need to make good use of this down time
  29. Staying germ free means alot of hand washing
  30. Wearing a wig gives me a headache
  31. I never lived in the house before, it was go-go-go, sleep, get dressed, eat out
  32. I've talked to my son more in the last two months than in the three years since I've been home
  33. I've lived my life like a business - striving, planning, doing, going - and what has it gotten me?
  34. Life is not about tomorrow it's about right now
  35. There might not be a tomorrow for real
  36. You have to live like you're dying tomorrow and make the best of today
  37. There is an ultimate power that is in control, believe it
  38. You are not in control of circumstances, be okay with it
  39. Cancer is a disease that can kill you but doesn't have to
  40. Cancer is a wake up call about life and living and love
  41. I'm thankful that I have another day to soften my heart, mind, eyes and outlook on life...not be so hard on myself and others...people are doing the best they can
  42. Other people are lost in the matrix
  43. I was lost in the matrix
  44. There is a matrix
  45. There is an end to every life
  46. I like blogging
  47. Chemo can kill the tumor and all the other junk inside my body and mind
  48. I'm thankful that Chemo is working and the tumor is almost gone now
  49. It has been a struggle just not to be angry about something everyday (I've been surprised about that)
  50. I still think holding the "play-away" electronic books in my bra where the tumor grew was the reason I got cancer
  51. Sitting in the house is not that bad, embrace it
  52. Throwing away unnecessary stuff is a great thing
  53. I haven't cooked in so long that most of my spices are old
  54. Life is not about stuff but love
  55. Listen to people, really listen to them
  56. Remember those who texted me even when they didn't have to...never forget

So, how do I make this time the answer for the rest of my life?

I'll keep on Marie Kondo"ing" each room, reading the entire bible, learning to really cook, blogging and most importantly asking to know God's Name and yielding to the plan for my life.