Birthday New Year - Remember Who You Are and Wake Up.

I have started thinking of my birthday as my own personal New Year. 

January 1 is the Gregorian's calendars New Year which isn't even really the new year so my birthday gives me a real opportunity to stop and think about where I am, what I have learned and what I want the next year of my life to look like. 

This year I turned 63, and I decided to spend my birthday weekend by myself in Colonial Beach, Virginia. By myself because I can do and go where I want to go and not have the noise in my head about what others are thinking, wanting, etc. 

I didn't go with some big agenda. I just wanted to get away, spend some time near the water, explore a new area, and have time to think. What I didn't expect was for so many seemingly unrelated things that happened over the weekend to begin connecting with each other. By the time I was packing to leave the hotel Sunday morning, I realized that the entire weekend had somehow become a lesson about something I had read about years ago in a little blue book.

Going Back to The Tools

Years ago, I bought a small blue book called The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels. I actually kept it in my purse for several months and would pull it out occasionally at a traffic light or whenever I was waiting for something...or even waiting in line in the store. 

Something made me pick it up and re-read it before  my birthday.  I took notes and drew the very simple pictures in the book representing the five tools: Reversal of Desire, Active Love, Inner Authority, Grateful Flow and Jeopardy.

One of those drawings is about Inner Authority and the shadow. The idea that stayed with me was that we all have parts of ourselves that we push down or hide because somewhere along the way we decided those parts weren't acceptable. Maybe we thought other people wouldn't like them, or they didn't fit the image we had created for ourselves, or they were connected to something from the past. Whatever the reason, instead of integrating those parts into who we are, we put them somewhere in the background.

That little drawing became unexpectedly relevant to my birthday.

The Day Started With the Sun

On the morning of my birthday, I woke up in the hotel and the sun was coming through the window. It immediately reminded me of another drawing in that little blue book about Grateful Flow. That caught my attention because lately I have been deliberately trying to notice the natural world more: the sun, moon, stars, trees and water instead of moving through life so quickly that I don't really see any of it. So there was something fitting about beginning my 63rd year with the sun shining into the room and me noticing it. 

The $20 Dress

The outfit I had put on for my birthday was cute but it was too hot for the day, so while I was in Colonial Beach I found this loose fitting black linen dress with beautiful turquoise, gold and white embroidery. It was $20, it was cool and comfortable, and I loved it. 

I received compliments on that dress throughout the day, but I didn't realize how much I stood out until later that evening. At the jazz program at Ingleside Vineyards, a woman came over to me and asked whether I had been in downtown Colonial Beach earlier. When I said yes, she told me that she knew it was me. She had seen me on the street earlier in the day, and she and the people she was with had actually talked about how stunning I looked in that dress.

That was remarkable to me because I wasn't trying to be seen (but maybe I wasn't hiding anymore either). I was just walking around Colonial Beach enjoying my birthday in a $20 dress I had bought because I was hot.

The Black Folder Project Is Coming to the Classroom

When I first started the Black Folder Project, my goal was simple: help people get organized before life forces them to.

Over the years, I've realized that many people want to prepare but don't know where to begin. They know they should organize their important documents, insurance information, medical records, and personal wishes, but the process can feel overwhelming. 

As I prepare my new office, I'm also bringing back the Black Folder Project Sessions. Interactive classes designed to help individuals and families begin organizing their lives one step at a time.

These won't be lectures, they will be working sessions where participants learn:

• What information belongs in a Black Folder
• Which documents every adult should know where to find
• How to organize important information before it is needed

The sessions will be offered in person at my new office location:

Elevate Business HotSpot
11864 Canon Boulevard, Suite 105
Newport News, VA 23606

I'm also developing an online version so people outside the Hampton Roads area can participate from wherever they live. The goal isn't to think about death. The goal is to create clarity, reduce confusion, and bring peace of mind while life is still moving forward.

If you've been meaning to get your affairs organized but just haven't known where to start, I hope these sessions will give you the guidance and encouragement to finally take that first step.

More details—including class dates and online registration—will be coming soon.

Prepare Before Life Disruption

Most people feel like they are prepared… until something happens. Everything is fine while life is running normally. Bills are being paid, accounts are accessible, and decisions are easy to make because
the person who manages everything is still able to do so.

The problem is not during normal times. The problem shows up when something interrupts that normal flow.

• A hospital stay.
• An unexpected illness.
• A situation where someone else suddenly has to step in and make decisions.

That is when the gaps become clear.

• Important documents are scattered or hard to find
• Account information is not easily accessible
• No one is quite sure what needs to be handled first
• Family members are left trying to figure things out in real time

The issue is not the event itself. It is the lack of preparation before it.

This is where the Black Folder Project comes in. It is not about reacting in a crisis. It is about getting organized before one ever happens. The focus is simple:

• Gathering important information in one place so it can be found when it is needed
• Making key decisions ahead of time instead of under pressure
• Creating clarity for the people who may need to step in
• Reducing confusion during moments that are already stressful

Preparation does not stop life from changing. It creates stability when it does. The goal is not perfection, it is progress. Even taking the time to organize a few key pieces of information can make a meaningful difference when it matters most.

That is why the Black Folder Project is centered around one idea:

What can be done BEFORE the emergency, BEFORE the decision, and BEFORE the stress begins?

Because when those moments come, and they will, preparation is what turns uncertainty into stability.

Most Families Are One Event Away From Instability

When people first hear about the Black Folder Project, they often assume it is about death planning. It is not, it is about stability.

Most families today are functioning without realizing how much of their daily life depends on things
continuing normally. Income continues. Health continues. Access continues. Bills get paid. Information is known. Someone knows what to do.

But what happens when one event interrupts that normal flow?

• A hospitalization
• A job loss
• A disability
• A death
• Even something as simple as someone not being able to speak for themselves

The real problem most families face is not the event itself. It is the instability that follows because nothing was organized beforehand.

• Accounts no one can access.
• Policies no one can find.
• Decisions no one prepared to make.
• Family members guessing instead of knowing.

The Black Folder is simply a stability tool. A place where important information lives so families are not forced to create order during chaos. Preparedness is not about expecting something bad to happen. It is about creating stability so that if life becomes unstable, your family is not starting from zero.

In many ways, this connects to my broader work through Ridea Works, where I study how instability shows up in work and life and how people can create structures that help them remain steady when disruption occurs.

The Black Folder Project is one of those structures. It's not a legal product or a financial product it is a stability practice for everyday families.   Most families are not one plan away from stability. They are one event away from realizing they needed one.