July 16, 2019 3rd Chemo TreatmentArrived at the "treatment center" and realized that I forgot to put on the numbing cream over the port site where they stick you with the needle. Fortunately it wasn't too bad just like a needle prick but it hurt some during the infusion.
It took larger to get back the blood test and that was because my white blood cell count was too low, or lower than it should have been for the infusion BUT the oncologist wanted me to go through with it since it was day 3 of the 4 day cycle.
I told the nurse I needed to discuss this because my goal is to STAY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL with an infection, pneumonia, etc. She told me it was better to go through this cycle and delay the start of the beginning of cycle 2. That didn't sound good either.
Basically how this thing works is you get a treatment plan upfront based on clinical trials. My plan is 4 cycle of 3 treatments of one drug. So that is 12 one week visits. Then 8 weeks of another round of drugs. So a total of 20 WEEKS!!!!!
I am not I repeat NOT interested in a second longer than 20 WEEKS of going though this. Honestly I think half of this is about the money. One of these treatment was billed at $10,000. That is right $10,000. UNBELIEVABLE!
I tell the nurse okay we will proceed but I need to make an appointment with the Oncologist.
I realize that now that I'm learning more and it's not just a unknown mystery of what is going on that I am going to find out if the tumor disappears before the 20 weeks is the 20 week necessary. Also I want to know when we will run more scans to see the status of the tumor. I am not interested in prolonging putting "poison" (as the nurse tells me) in my body any longer than I need to.
When I think about advocacy I'm not thinking about marching for a "CURE" for cancer. Why would the medical industry want to cure such a medical cash cow? It would put many people out of work. Now I can see advocacy for highlighting the COST of treatment for cancer. What is a person to do? You pay the cost or you die. I mean really that's what it boils down to.
Treatment is Working...Tumor is 1/5 of the sizeWith all that being said, daily this mass has been getting smaller and smaller It's gone from the size of a small grapefruit to the size of a small plum. That's exciting and good news. So, again if the pre-chemo was to shrink it so that surgery wouldn't be that bad than if a few more treatment makes it go away to the point that it can't be felt and the scans show it gone then why continue with weeks and weeks of poisoning a person. Of course I don't understand all of this yet...so...we will see.
Updating My Black FolderI haven't yet updated my Black Folder since I've been diagnosed with cancer.
I am however really getting things in order starting with my online presence. I have SO many online accounts that I need to shut down and/or make sure my son knows how to access.
Somehow I haven't been thinking about death or dying. Not even as much as I was thinking about it before the diagnosis.
That seems strange to me but maybe it has to do with the fact that now dying could happen because of this cancer.
Before it was yes I will die like everyone will die and it was unknown when or how it would happen.
With cancer you know how it could happen, but still not when. It dawned on my today that maybe the expiration date of a person is already planned and nothing can change that. It just felt like the date is already out there for me and others. I don't know why I thought that but it felt right.