February 16, 2020

Retooling The Project

Things are starting to come together. 

Back in 2001 when I started my own black folder it was out of necessity because it was after 9-11 and and I was flying a lot for work back then. 

In 2012 when I thought of The Black Folder Project as something for others to experience it was before it's time. 

When I got breast cancer in 2019 and daily could have died, it was like a fire was lit.  I just kept thinking...are people kidding themselves?  Tomorrow is not promised, face it, enjoy each day but get your affairs in order. 

Today I picked-up the book A Beginner's Guide to the End and realize it's an idea whose time has come. Folks are finally ready to be practical about death and stop pretending it's not going to happen. 

Moving forward with turning the shop into a place for those who are ready to clean up their affairs and not leave their family a mess when they leave. Moving forward...
 

January 29, 2020

January 2020 - Radiation

Radiology Marking Session


Meet with Dr. Amin again and he again was amazing. Walked in and was happy that I had had a complete response to chemo and no positive lymph nodes.  He was as happy as if a family member had gotten that result.  It was genuine and interesting because that happens to be Riverside's logo: "To care for others as we would care for those we love."  He was a living example of that.

He told me that because of my results from chemo and surgery that I would only have to have treatment for 4 weeks and not 6 weeks...so only 21 days.  I CAN DO THIS!

His nurse was EXCELLENT. Friendly, happy, smiling just so pleasant that it reversed my "can't find parking for 10 minutes" horrible experience.

January 7, 2020

December 2019 Post Op Surgery Appt

Post Op Appointment

I had an appointment with the surgeon as a post follow up to surgery. When Dr. Times walked in the room he said: "I understand that you already have the good news."  I told him that I had because the oncologist had told me that all the cancer was gone prior to surgery and that only scar tissue remained. The surgeon also confirmed that no lymph nodes were involved.

This was all great news. The best!

I thanked him and told him he was awesome.  He asked me to let the oncologist know the he thought she was awesome because her regiment of drugs had successfully killed the cancer. I told him that I will and I will! I'm so grateful to both of them...so grateful!

He examined me and we talked about the scar and soreness that I still felt in my arm and chest. He said it will eventually go away. I asked him about the documentation that I needed to return to work and they provided it.

December 2019 Oncology Appointment - Pathologic Complete Response

Appt With The Doctor


Finally I had an appointment with the doctor. My last several appointments have been with the nurse. Doctor Tian is great!  So glad she is my doctor. She did not have the pathology results yet from the surgery so we talked about next steps if there was remaining cancer found during surgery. I would have to take pills for a couple of months.  If there was no remaining cancer found I would not need to take the pills.

The Port Removal


I asked her why I needed to leave the port in and when I could get it out and she said because she needed to see the pathology report and because if my cancer is coming back it is coming back in two years. She "recommends" leaving it in for 2 years!  I told her that is NOT preferable but we will take it one steps at a time depending on the results.  Until removal I'll have to get the port flushed every 6 weeks...good grief!

Friday, December 13th Day of Surgery

My Day of Surgery Is Finally Here

This is the day I have been trying to get to for 7 months! 

Preparations


The night before you have to take a shower with Dial Antibacterial Soap, not eat anything after 12 and sleep on clean sheets. The next morning you have to take another shower with the Dial soap...and then you  are ready.

Pre-Op Procedures


Pre-op was PAINFUL! The first nurse had a hard time finding a vein for the IV. Painful!  She couldn't figure it out and decided to wait until I came back from the Women's Unit.

Before the lumpectomy they wheeled me half-way across the hospital (in a wheel chair - in a hospital gown) to the Women's Unit to:

1. Have them do a "Sentinel Node Mapping" by putting 4 needles in my nipple of dye that would travel to the 2-3 lymph nodes the surgeon needed to remove in order to check to make sure the cancer had not spread beyond the breast. It was PAINFUL! 


2. Have them do a "ultrasound-guided wire localization" by putting 2 wires (metal looking wires)  in my breast tissue to put a frame around the mass that the surgeon had to remove. The nipple needles were painful but the wires were TORTURE!  They were using an ultrasound to figure out where to put the needles and couldn't quite see where it should go so it was a lot of back and forth. The doctor doing it kept apologizing. He was a nice man doing a painful procedure.

It was helpful that I knew the ladies from the Women's Unit.  They were the same ones who did my mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy back in May. I was happy too see them and again they had done this hundreds of times so knew it was painful.  One of them gave me her hand to squeeze to blunt the pain for those two procedures (as she does this and I'm squeezing her hand I think about creating something to sell to the hospitals like a stress ball) ...then they tell me...

November 2019 Getting a Cold, Fainting,Emergency Room

Getting A Cold


The Sunday before Thanksgiving I got a cold.  As the week went on it turned into a bad cold.  I was congested and coughing day and night.  I had already decided not to go to Atlanta for Thanksgiving and THANK THE ALMIGHTY GOD that I did. I was very sick and weak.  In the bed and not moving much. I had decided to try Whole Foods for Thanksgiving Dinner.  I was exhausted when I picked the meal up.  I had NO desire to eat any of it...let alone warm it up...and I didn't.  Thanksgiving came and went and David brought me a plate which helped bring me back to life.  It was memorable.

David decided to go out of town for the weekend and I just prayed I would survive.  I mean I was thinking is it possible to survive Chemo and then die from a  cold? That would be tragic.

Fainting in the Grocery Store


Sunday after Thanksgiving and I needed to pick up a few things from the grocery store...like cough medicine and more tissues.  I had about 10 items on my list.  I had on leggings, a black t-shirt, felt hat (no wig) and grey hoodie.  I had the hoodie on over the hat going in the store and just decided to keep the hoodie on while I shopped.

As I was going around the store I noticed how tired I was.  I was leaning on the cart.  Not really pushing it but leaning and pushing. I got up to the check out line and was exhausted.  I remember taking one thing out of the cart and then the cashier helped take everything else out.  I was grateful.  Then I watched as he started to scan the items.  I felt like he was moving in slow motion. I was thinking OMG I'm not going to make it. I took out my store card and the money I thought it was going to cost and put it on the counter. All of a sudden I got SO hot.  It was the same type of hot that I felt during the MRI the week before.  I took off the hoodie and put it and my purse on the empty counter. I remember thinking I need to put my head down.  So I put my head on my purse...

...the next thing I heard was "Ma'am, Ma'am are you alright?"  I was on the floor. I had fainted.  All I thought was "Oh Boy! This is bad!" She called 911 but in the meantime there were some fire department guys shopping and they came up to check me out. I looked up at the manager who I knew because I went to that store often and she was asking me if I was alright and telling me that I had fainted. I told her I was alright.  She said she couldn't let me drive like this and needed to call 911.

November 2019 Neulasta, Disability, MRI, Surgeon from Heaven

Neulasta


This time the Neulasta half dose put me down like the full dose.  I was in the bed again for two days almost unable to move. Too painful to remember how painful....just remember it was shocking to be so sick.

Disability Paperwork


After Chemo ended Short Term Disability has been a bear.   They only approve it from doctor appointment to doctor appointment.  Then you have to call and get an extension and send in medical records.  Also got an email from Leave Administration and from the Insurance company about Long Term Disability and that seemed like even more red-tape. I have to get back to work before January 25th or it will go into LTD.  Pray. I still wonder how guys in the yard get through all these deadlines and paperwork.  There definitely needs to be more help....a coach....to assist employees through this process. It's hard to do all of this while you are sick.

Surviving the MRI


I had the follow-up MRI.  I remembered that I had to stay completely still for thirty minutes and that hadn't been a problem for me.  When I got in the tube my nose was running and I couldn't do anything about it but watch it drip in the tube.  I was doing pretty good but all of a sudden I started to get HOT.  I mean deathly hot. I thought I was going to pass out.  I finally said something and they stopped the machine, came in the room and started taking the blanket off of me, my hospital socks, lifted up my gown from my back and ran a fan to cool me off. I was sweating profusely.  I felt better and we continued but it was scary.